Shopworn Estimates
The Piltdown Man's spitting image in the express line
seems to have overcome his fear of numbers.
He thumbs the Sunday papers with astonishing specificity.
Did he do it on his own, I wonder,
or did he get help, like so many others?
Do we have enough to optimize his footnotes?
Like that memory of a hot day with a vendor hawking umbrellas
he was last seen riding on the back of a garbage truck -
his password conspicuously absent.
Someone said he had left it out intentionally.
Or the other day, for example, when we dressed accordingly
following your giddy shopping spree.
Wasn't the checkout girl inebriating?
And those knickers, standing out as they did on the green.
Can you imagine?
Perhaps next time we can arrange for a proper sendoff
with nosegays and what-have-you-nots
shimmering with the propinquity
of something bigger than a collage of favorite vacation spots.
But who knew?
Certainly not the squanderers
documented in that abysmal miniseries that aired last week.
To think we lobbied so vigorously for his directorial debut!
It just goes to show you that with drivers like these
so tidily ensconced in their SUVs
there's nothing to do, nothing that can be done, nowhere to go.
And now with the final stages of this morning's coffee break
bearing down on us like a deranged high school principal
it's really none of his business whether we're present
when the substitute arrives for the table read.